Easter Weekend

For the last 5 years, every Easter has been spent with him. Every Easter weekend was long weekend in Brisbane. Thus every Easter long weekend, we'd have some sort of vacation to somewhere. This year, Easter seemed different, no gifts of smooth chocolate bunnies, no Easter eggs, no celebration, no vacation...just another ordinary weekend.

Aches me to think that I'm now only left with memories of the last five years spent in Australia.

Well, nevertheless I received a surprise at my door today...
Delivery guy rang in the morning asking for directions to our place. My dad immediately asked my mom and I if we were anticipating any delivery because the guy was around the corner. I shrugged and my mom looked at me expecting me to say something. Anyway, I didn't even know it came for me. Therefore it was what we called a *SuRpRiSe*.

I received a bouquet of 20 roses today...8 were of my favourite purple roses and 12 of champagne roses. Very nice arrangement and oddly enough a vase as well. The card says...
"Hi! I guess today might be a really hectic day for you! I'm sorry I couldn't help out physically! Every girl deserves roses for her new room :) I hope that this will make your hectic weekend a little easier to pass by!"



What a sweetie! Yes, we are in the midst of refurbishing my room as it had finally dawned on my dad that I'm a bit overgrown for the furniture in my room from since 18 years ago. I greatly appreciate my dad's efforts. However, it seriously came at the most horrible of all horrible times! I have deadlines one after another next week and a final paper week after and 2 more papers the same week. I asked if this "project" could be postponed so I can concentrate on my studies. Why did it not surprise me that my request had fallen unto deaf ears? Well, I don't know...Anyway, thanks for taking the effort to my very stressful weekend a little better. Did I forget to mention that we were out of power last night, meaning I couldn't do any work? Geez, what great timing! All at once...just kill me, wouldn't you?

State of Permanence

"I'm convinced that this state of permanence is merely my own interpretation"

Why do I say that? Because I'm sick and weary of feeling like it's some kind of illness to feel like I'm stuck in this time machine. I don't like this feeling. I don't like to feel like I'm being tied down and not have the flexibility to do what I wish to do. I feel like time is restrictive. There are things that I need to do before I miss the boat. But what can I do, when I'm committed to this now for a length of time and knowing that time will wait for no men, what can I do to break out of this permanence and to reach out to my dreams and my goals?

I don't see myself as a very ambitious person, but I do have goals that I want to achieve. I would like to think that I steer my own life, the way I'd like! However, to be able to do that, I'd have to be in control of my own directions. I have to stop at the harbour and leap on to another boat. It's frustrating me, yet I don't know what to do! I know how it feels to have missed the boat. I've missed several boats in my life and I don't want to miss another boat, no more! I want to get on that boat, regardless. But my question now is how? How do I do it when the harbour seems out of reach. When this sea is rockingly rough, nothing seems to be going my way. Do I still steer my own direction? Oh, someone get me out of here!

Defense in Action

My circadian rhythm is screwed! Gawd, I don't know why, I can't think of anything extraordinary that would cause such intense heaviness in my lids that they keep wanting to shut. Each time, I open a book, or attempt to read a journal article, or skim through my deadlines, or just whatever that is academic-related, I feel like sleeping. Really strange! Not like I haven't been sleeping, although my sleep pattern has been chopped from my regular 8 hours to an average of 4 hours each night, at least I haven't been skipping sleep??

I don't know...it has to be either procrastinating or withdrawal. In any way, isn't procrastinating one of the means of withdrawing? So is sleeping one of the ways to withdraw? I'm beginning to wonder if this is for me. Shouldn't be so terribly difficult if this was my cup of tea?? I don't know, sometimes or most of the time, I wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing.