State of Permanence

"I'm convinced that this state of permanence is merely my own interpretation"

Why do I say that? Because I'm sick and weary of feeling like it's some kind of illness to feel like I'm stuck in this time machine. I don't like this feeling. I don't like to feel like I'm being tied down and not have the flexibility to do what I wish to do. I feel like time is restrictive. There are things that I need to do before I miss the boat. But what can I do, when I'm committed to this now for a length of time and knowing that time will wait for no men, what can I do to break out of this permanence and to reach out to my dreams and my goals?

I don't see myself as a very ambitious person, but I do have goals that I want to achieve. I would like to think that I steer my own life, the way I'd like! However, to be able to do that, I'd have to be in control of my own directions. I have to stop at the harbour and leap on to another boat. It's frustrating me, yet I don't know what to do! I know how it feels to have missed the boat. I've missed several boats in my life and I don't want to miss another boat, no more! I want to get on that boat, regardless. But my question now is how? How do I do it when the harbour seems out of reach. When this sea is rockingly rough, nothing seems to be going my way. Do I still steer my own direction? Oh, someone get me out of here!